Lawful Self Defence For Brits & Kiwis:

Three Life-Saving Methods - and a Warning:

Soft Sea-Fishing LURES .. If you have complied with your robbers demand by giving her everything of value you possess ... they still show interest in kicking the shit out of you - these sporting silicon lures may be just the ticket to save your life. Hold your attractively coloured inoffensive soft lure firmly by the head and extend it carefully towards the mugger  - point vigorously into the distance with your other hand calling a warning - and as she turns to follow your pointing index you carefully hook the soft lure into the ear, like an ear-ring to distract the attention while you run off screaming into the night.

Note: It is recomended that the pointed hook be frequently SANITIZED so as to reduce the risk of causing infection.

Digital watches .. These low cost items may prove invaluable when attacked by a larger-stronger victim of social injustice. The recomended method requires a degree of practiced expertise that can be achieved by the dedicated as described here. - First ensure that the Barbie Watch strap is unbuckled and freely held in the hand, while reaching forward to pinch a convenient fold of your attackers skin between thumb & index finger .. as they open their mouth to scream "Stop" you carefully push the Barbie Watch as far as you can past their teeth and down the throat - thereby distracting the unfortunate aggressor's attention as you run screaming into the night.

If you are feeling alarmed by the possibilty of an intimate approach - there are personal devices that will emit a loud noise provided their batteries have not gone flat - Conveniently they are intended to be attached to your keys so that the attacker will be able to locate them in the dark if you drop or throw them away. WARNING be careful not to scratch your assailent when presenting your "Rape Alarm" as your keys may be sharp and this can lead to you being charged with assault by police. 

Note there have been instances where London's Metropolitan Police have claimed these alarms are terrorist weapons if a Royal Coronation is impending, so be sure not to wave one visibly at any uniformed personel.

Disclaimer-Warning:

- There have been claims that it may be legal to counter violence with an equal level of force - but be careful not to be lured into taking any rash precautions. - While it may be common for misunderstood 'Prospects' to have a rusty hammer shoved inside the waist of their jeans for defence from aggressive chickens ... if you were to do similarly, as a retiree you may be charged under the carriage of offensive weapons while receiving a Superannuation Payment Act.

Marty K.